The right words.

Sometimes you can't find the right words, but fortunately somebody else has....

 

I could share hundreds of these, but these three spoke the most......

 

Regrets, I've had a few......

 

I stumbled across this photo whilst trying to do my shopping list online. Yes I don't know how I managed to go from pricing fresh spinach to stumbling across quotes. Especially when I have been on a self imposed social media ban. Besides tinkering around my blog and posting a photo on Instagram I've managed to stay away for the better part of a week. Ok, I may have snuck onto twitter for a short while the other night. (Shhh)

Back to this photo....... The last few weeks have been a roller coaster ride from serious family illnesses to a good friend visiting from overseas (then leaving), throw in some shocking news and top it off with numerous trips to Spotlight (Xmas decos) and you could say it has been an exhausting month! So much so that I even started drinking coffee again.

We are all time poor these days but nobody's time is more important than another persons. They say time is money. If this saying is true I'd be interested to know what the going rate an hour is for wasting 90 minutes watching The Hangover II. That's certainly some time I regret giving!

I've heard you should live your life without regret but if you read the above photo then unfortunately I have a few regrets. From watching crap movies to working for an arsehole boss or two. I've slept away a few Sundays after a big night out but I don't regret those, I've even whiled away a few hours playing tennis on the Wii, yet I don't regret those either. Oh and on a side note, I've spent more than enough time looking at Bitstrips! Enough already people! What I do regret is all the hours spent stewing over, thinking about, stressing over a particular person. These hours over the years could easily add up to months and if I knew that going rate I'm sure I'd be owed a crapload of money for my time. To make time for a person is never a problem if you genuinely enjoy spending it with them but the "after hours" spent dissecting things that were said and discussed is when the regret for time lost can creep in. Replaying conversations in your head and wondering "what did they mean by that?" or thinking "how dare they say that". I wish I was one of those people that could let things go, but I can't. I may pretend that all is forgiven and forgotten but inside it is bubbling back to the surface every chance it can. Usually it's at night when in bed trying to get to sleep. I can't count the hours I've spent at night thinking about things. More valuable hours wasted that to a person who more than loves her sleep can be quite frustrating. I have now got back into walking, for no other reason than some exercise and even though I have music playing in my ears I am now spending this quality time thinking out things. It's amazing how much can run thru your head in a 30 min walk. Sometimes I'm so deep in thought that I don't realise I'm walking back up my driveway and the walk is over. Depending on what thoughts are in my head can make a difference to my walk. If I'm frustrated or pissed off, I tend to walk faster and harder whereas when I'm just daydreaming or having creative thoughts I still walk pretty fast but I'm easier on myself.

So instead now of thinking that I'm wasting time dissecting/thinking/stressing, I can now say I'm using that valuable time on myself by getting some exercise and the thinking is just a side job!

Having seen this photo has made me look at some things differently now. My time is just as important as yours, I do not mind at all giving it to you, but please do me the courtesy of not regretting I did.

 

 

The less they speak, the more they say

Do you know somebody so well that when they don't say something you still know what's going on? Past experience leads your gut to believe that what happened back then is happening again. In my personal experience this is how it works with certain people.

Silence = They know I know, but they don't want to acknowledge that.

Answering only certain questions = avoiding the ones that will get them into trouble

Disappearing = Up to old tricks again

If somebody is going thru something fairly major does that still give them the right to lie to you? Especially when it doesn't effect their situation but certainly does yours? In saying that, do I have the right to call them out on it when I know what they're going thru?

I've known this person a long time, I've seen them in different stages of their life and this stage is technically the lowest they have ever been. I know only too well how they feel as I have been in a similar situation. However I'm finding it hard to believe just how low they really are. On one hand I have huge sympathy for them and have reached out numerous times but on the other hand I know I am being kept just off to the side in case other "opportunities" or "situations" don't work out. Or worse still, I will just be ignored til I give up trying.

The friend in me says stick around because if they do hit rock bottom, I want to be there for them. The realist in me says step away as you know how this will end, again!

Being in different states or country means mainly conversing via iMessage and Skype. So sometimes it's hard to know what is actually going on but I've learned to trust my gut, especially with certain people. I honestly think they are using their situation to manipulate myself and others but I can't say anything. This person isn't a mean person , however they have trouble telling the truth if it means them missing out or being caught out.

One side of me is saying step away before you're kicked to the curb (again) but the other side is superglued to this person and just can't let go. Sometimes I would probably bounce my problems off this person but this time I can't. Not being able to discuss this with anybody has been challenging and not being able to switch off my brain has made for little sleep. Which in turn has then had me reaching out to this person but then it starts the whole cycle again.

I've always said never assume things but if somebody is only giving you half the information then do you try and read between the lines and possibly assume things or do you let it be and hope they eventually fill in the gaps? Plus if you're being fed information from elsewhere, do you believe that or do you once again "assume" that that person has it wrong and try to ignore this so called info?

I've become a master at blocking out certain things, ask me about my childhood and there isn't much to tell cause I simply don't remember it. Ask me about certain conversations I've had with this person over the past 15 years and I can almost repeat them verbatim. This is a double edged sword as I'm able to remember things when needed, the downside being I can remember things when I wish I couldn't. Thus making the lies easy to spot. Do I point them out? No. It's a lot harder to point these out when not standing in the same room and you're relying on that iMessage to read as sarcasm but more than likely will be missed. I hate that I sometimes speak before I think, but in saying that it's always the truth I'm saying. I'd rather be told the truth than bullshitted to. Nobody deserves to be messed around, no matter what the circumstances. In this day and age with technology etc. it is so much easier to find out things, whether searching for it or stumbling across it. With social media the world has become a very small place, how many of us are now linked by that one "mutual friend" on FB?

I am now questioning what actually is a friend? When you know somebody pretty well and have known them a long time,to have them make you feel like you have done something wrong by just trying to be there for them hurts. Yes they may need their space but somewhere along the way they will need their friends again. If you didn't make that cut as a friend, then who did? This now has me thinking, were we ever friends? It's extremely hard to turn off feelings, so you try and bury them but it doesn't take much to have them back just simmering under the surface and to get hurt again.

So on this late night/early morning my dilemma continues and tomorrow/later today will be another day of my mind working in overdrive wondering if this will be the day I can break the cycle and break thru to this person.

Or will it be another day of one sided conversations.