Try to Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,

And ignite your bones,

And I will try to fix you,

High up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face

And I

Tears stream down your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down your face

And I

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

As most will know I am definitely not able to take credit for these words. They are however written by Coldplay and the song is titled "Try to fix you".

People get different things from different songs. I for one get a headache listening to Justin Beiber, whereas millions of others would strongly disagree. However the first four lines of this amazing song ring extremely true to me. I love this song to bits but when I hear it, I relate it to one situation that honestly should have me hating this song. That first verse is a painful reminder that is still a part of my life as it has never been completely closed. It is still a small part of my life but really shouldn't be.

Have you ever had what you thought was the perfect situation but it's all gone wrong and whilst you should turn around and walk away, you haven't? To love and hate something at the same time is a complete and utter mind fuck (sorry for swearing but it's the only way to describe it). You want to hate it and walk away but it manages to tempt you back.

"When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth"

This part has me thinking, if it doesn't work out mainly to the other person's actions does that mean you're worth nothing? Yes people would say it's the other person that is worth nothing not you. My question is why did they do it? Did they think that lowly of you that you didn't matter to begin with?

My iPad being on shuffle went from Coldplay to P!nk's "So What". It's well known this was written about her estranged husband at the time, he even appears in the film clip. However when it was written, she was clearly pissed off with him. This is my ultimate favourite song of hers and hits the top of the iTunes list as most played. First reason being IT'S P!NK!! Second reason being I also relate to this song. Yes secretly I'm a rockstar and I've got my rock moves but more so the section that she sings this

And I don't need you,

And guess what,

I'm having more fun,

And now that we’re done,

I'm gonna show you tonight,

I'm alright,

I'm just fine,

And you're a tool,

So, so what,

I am a rock star,

I got my rock moves,

And I don't want you tonight.

"You're a tool" is sung with gusto to the point that when performed live she raises a middle finger in the air at him. Oh how I used to want the opportunity to sing this and raise my finger in the air whilst telling a certain somebody they're a tool. It is a small gesture but it would feel great.

You weren't there,

You never were,

You want it all,

But that's not fair,

I gave you life,

I gave my all,

You weren't there,

You let me fall.

Looking back on things this part of the song sums everything up about the situation. Clearly sometimes you were obviously a means to an end and it became a situation that was more of convenience than anything else.

I was chatting with a good friend the other night about this and many of lifes other ups and downs. More than once he has asked me to move to California to "start a fresh" but somehow I don't think distance will make a difference. Your thoughts go where you go and I myself have never been able to turn them off. He also suggested Yoga but that's another story!

Today's blog was intended to be a release of some sort, they say if you write things down it helps. I didn't quite go where I wanted to go, out of fear of releasing too much thus then having to explain things or be judged. I have enough people in my life judging etc that I don't respond to, I'm not sure I'm ready for the internet to also judge. I honestly can see why so many American's have therapists. Sometimes you just want to have a chat about things in a secure enviroment without the fear of being judged or worse that it will get repeated elsewhere. This post has kind of no exact point but has a theme I guess. Maybe I should have called it Dear Diary? I hadn't written here for quite sometime, mainly due to lack of inspiration but also not wanting to share things.

Which brings me to my final song. Adele's "Someone like you". Do you really think she wishes nothing but the best for him? And why would she want to find someone like him, when it didn't work out in the first place? Yes I am a thinker, with possibly too much time on my hands but come on........